28 July 2006
I`ve got a lot on my mind and Las Vegas is nothing if not a sensory overload. Today I witnessed a chimp playing heads-up poker against Marcel Luske, received my entry receipt for the 2006 WSOP Main Event, and found out that a weakness for large breasts is not merely a human condition.
PokerShare.com held a press conference today at the Palms where Mikey the poker-playing chimp was unveiled. When you consider that the ape is only 4 years old and that chimps live to be 60-65 you would concede immediately that he is very well behaved. He squirms in his seat like most toddlers, but he loves the camera and seemed to enjoy himself.
Marcel Luske was a good sport and after a Q&A session where the vast majority of the American media clearly showed that they have no understanding of what "taking the piss" means, he challenged Mikey to a heads-up poker clash.
The chimp held pocket Aces on his very first hand! Unfortunately one of the Aces flipped over as it was dealt resulting in a misdeal. Future hands progressed at a slow pace as Mikey wasn`t really in the mood to get involved in a hand with Marcel - who can blame him? Luske was aggressive, raising every pot, and Mikey was pretty stoic.
It turns out that the chimp does have a weakness where he shows plenty of emotion, and that`s if he sees a large pair of breasts. His eyes light up and he isn`t afraid to make an immediate move. He goes straight for them, cupping them if possible.
We are in Las Vegas, which means large augmented breasts abound and poor Mikey was driven to distraction at the press conference. When one very buxom blone photographer asked if she could lean in and have a photo with the primate every man in the room was fixated. Mikey quickly swung into action taking as much as he could fit into one hand. Go Mikey! we all thought to ourselves, and some of us were probably willing to trade places with the little guy.
Fortunately the cleavage was designed to withstand that sort of pressure and no harm was done. If Mikey ever plays a hand of poker at Hooters Casino odds are good that he would lose his mind completely and have to be sedated.
After the press conference I went down to the Rio to pick up my WSOP main event receipt. I play on Saturday in the second group of first round action. I`m happy with that draw as it gives me plenty of time to recover if I advance.
The Rio has a poker expo going on today and the scene there is really quite overwhelming. Thousands of people are crammed into the convention center and every conversation you overhear is about poker, mainly bad beat stories.
I did hear a juicy bit of gossip about one WSOP bracelet winner this year who appears to have a weakness for Baccarat, or "Bac" as all the cool college kids who are a pervasive element at the World Series like to refer to it. Seems this kid lost his poker bankroll playing Bac, had to borrow money for the entry fee to a WSOP event, won that event, and was back at the Bac table the next day dropping a cool $250,000 on the night.
These are the kind of people who refer to themselves as "poker pros" out here in Vegas. They`re essentially gamblers who might win $1 million at one form of cards only to lose it all playing a card game that is purely luck the next night. It`s hard to have any respect for people like that.
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